“ A podium and a prison is each a place…but in either place your freedom of choice can be maintained if you so wish.”
– Epictetus Discourses 2.6.25
I spend far too much time worrying. Particularly for a man who claims to be a follower of stoicism. To worry is natural, but this does not make it healthy, for worthwhile. I particularly spend time worrying about the future, most commonly, about my career.
Worrying about the future is a futile endeavor, regardless who you are, but I must admit that I REALLY shouldn’t spend as much time as I do worrying. I have a good job, which I am relatively unlikely to be fired from, I am married to a wonderful woman, and while I am 90% sure my cat does not love me as I love him, I am otherwise surrounded by great friends. My life has hobbies and passions (new and old) and I have goals and objectives. When I look at my life in terms of all that I should be grateful for, to worry seems almost offensive.
Why then, do I worry? And the better question; how do I train myself to stop? one possible answer comes from today’s quote in that; it does not actually matter where we are, the things that make us who we are, can be maintained. Your status in life, your financial situation, your job, and relationships are all wonderful things to have, but they are not and will never be who you are.
Now, there are some who would say “That is easy for you to say, Ryan, you have all these things. Try telling someone in poverty, or who just lost a loved one, that money and loved ones should not be tied to who you are, or tied to their happiness”. The truth is, I can’t say that, and I am far from sure enough in my Stoicism to try. But the Stoics can.
Epictetus was a slave, and for most of his life was a cripple. He had literally nothing in the way of positions to include, according to Roman law, dominion over his life. And yet, time and again we hear him, extolling us to focus on only that which we can control, and not tie our happiness, or our identity to things which remain out of our control.
Marcus Aurelius would seem to be the opposite. As a Roman Emperor, he had all he wanted, right? Well, he did have an item he desired, but of his 13 children, 5 outlived him. Thus, we are talking about a man who, despite enduring the loss of 8 children, continued to say that happiness demands we know what we can control and what we can’t, no matter the circumstances.
Our final example is a modern one. James Bond Stockdale (1923 – 2005) was a United States Navy vice-admiral and one of the most highly decorated officers in the history of the U.S. Navy. The North Vietnamese shot down his plane over Vietnam in 1965, and he was held as a prisoner of war for seven and a half years. In 1993, he explained his mindset in prison in Vietnam. He said
After ejection … I whispered to myself: I’m leaving the world of technology and entering the world of Epictetus … as I ejected from that airplane was the understanding that a Stoic always kept separate files in his mind for (A) those things that are “up to him” and (B) those things that are “not up to him.” Another way of saying it is (A) those things that are “within his power” and (B) those things that are “beyond his power.” Still another way of saying it is (A) those things that are within the grasp of “his Will, his Free Will” and (B) those things that are beyond it. All in category B are “external,” beyond my control, ultimately dooming me to fear and anxiety if I covet them. All in category A are up to me, within my power, within my will, and proper subjects for my total concern and involvement. They include my opinions, my aims, my aversions, my own grief, my own joy, my judgments, my attitude about what is going on, my own good, and my own evil.
There are few people who can say they endured what James Stockdale endured. Yet even in the depths of the Hanoi Hilton, he was able to seek tranquility. Knowing that, I then ask… What the hell am I so worried about?!?
(Admiral Stockdale)