“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future …. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not,” – Seneca
Over the past 8 years, I have seriously considering getting out of the military 3 times. Twice were of my own accord, once because I thought I may not have a say in the matter. All three times I was forced to think about the possibility of job interviews. I found myself imagining the questions of potential employers. One of the cliches is “What is your greatest weakness?” This is a question that, if approached right, should require some true self-reflection. One does not want to seem arrogant and choose a silly answer. Similarly, one loathes admitting any true weaknesses. I am lucky, however, in the sense that I feel I know my answer. I lack patience.
The positive aspect of this vice is that I am rarely late and can’t stand to procrastinate. Generally, I will accomplish tasks as soon as possible. I may even do so without fully planning out my approach. Unsurprisingly, this leads to less than perfect products (see: any typo I have made in this post). While I am sure Seneca would have something to say about this it is not the aspect of patience I wish to discuss today.
Instead, I wish to the emotional effects of when world forces me to wait. When something or someone makes me wait longer than I had anticipated, I quickly begin to feel a surge of frustration and discontent. Lines that are too long, people who don’t answer e-mails promptly, slow drivers, slow walkers, all of them have an effect on my mental state. Whats more I know I am not the only one. Many of us get frustrated when we are forced to wait at someone else’s leisure.
Here is the reality, though. This ties back into the dichotomy of control, and what we allow to affect our Stoic calm. Can we make the slow driver speed up? Probably not. Can we force the coworker to reply to the e-mail? not without the perception that we are uncontrollably overbearing. Can we force other people, or the universe to speed up and slow down at our whims? almost never. So then why do we allow it to affect our mental state? Why do we allow ourselves to cultivate an “anxious dependence on the future” at the cost of the present? How much more pleasant would life be if we could turn off that anger at the slow driver and simply enjoy the ride we are on.
As it stands right now I am waiting on some news which will dictate my next 2-6 years. I have been waiting for this news (to varying degrees) since February. six months of a trickle of information has been a test of my Stoicism. A test that, on some occasions, I have failed. There have been moments where I have let the uncertainty and my impatience for certainty to affect my mental state. Once, I even allowed the situation to almost ruin an otherwise pleasant day out with my parents and wife. At that moment, I could have changed nothing about my situation. What I could have done, what a Sage would have done, was not to allow his “anxious dependence upon the future” to influence his contentment with his present. But as we know, I am still Far From a Sage